How I'm Feeling About My Prophylactic Mastectomy

Loads of emotions are happening over here with my surgery being just two days out.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t experienced moments of sadness or just “wtf!?” but thankfully, those moments pass quickly because there are too many what if’s that come with this procedure. Will I go direct to implant as anticipated or will I be in expanders for a few months? Will my pathology come back clean? How bad is this actually going to hurt? How many fat grafting surgeries will I need once I’m healed? What if…what if… what if…..

Here’s what I do know, the “what if’s” are poison. They distract me from the fact that I have the greatest care team. They distract me from knowing that I can handle this, because the alternative is too horrible to even think about. And worst of all, the what if’s mean I’m dwelling on scenarios I can’t control when I should be asking for God to carry me through this. He brought me to this point. This surgery is a gift to not only me but to my family. Have faith and remember my why. That’s ALL I need to do.

When I focus on my why, I feel an overwhelming sence of peace. Just because I feel scared doesn’t mean I can't feel thankful and happy. Have you ever heard the expression “you can be full and still want dessert”, that is exactly how I feel about this procedure!

My surgery is at 8AM on Wednesday morning. I ask that you pray for the health and hands of my healthcare providers. That they are focused and diligent in removing my tissue as that is the purpose of this surgery. Please also pray that I remain calm and that I heal well with no complications.

I promise to write an update as soon as I can!

Love, Lanie